I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
two words: eviction party
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
