i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
