it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
what day is it and did you see me today?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
They are going to name an STD after you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
