Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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