Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
