did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
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I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
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I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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