how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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