Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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