he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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