It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
