I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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