I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
