i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
