She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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