Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
