I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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