it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
