Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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