All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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