I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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