Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
