omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
