Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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