She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
