You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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