Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
