Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
