dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
