lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
