i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
