just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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