ADVERTISEMENT

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night

  Fav 45 5809 932

  share tweet
  

• (778): View more from British Columbia

  No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.

  Fav 16 4739 907

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.

  Fav 26 8610 1335

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

  Fav 12 5100 1441

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (601): View more from Mississippi

  I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.

  Fav 7 2441 1204

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?

  Fav 12 2797 980

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (360): View more from Washington

  What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.

  Fav 11 2525 907

  share tweet
  

• (518): View more from New York

  I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?

  Fav 4 1356 746

  share tweet
  

• (360): View more from Washington

  Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.

  Fav 7 1776 1173

  share tweet
  
• 

  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.

  Fav 4 1315 726

  share tweet
  

• (865): View more from Tennessee

  No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.

  Fav 1 1056 638

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (416): View more from Toronto

  I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"

  Fav 3 884 526

  share tweet
  

• (841): View more from

  He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.

  Fav 1 495 1127

  share tweet
  

• (614): View more from Ohio

  So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...

  Fav 1 363 185

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out

  Fav 3 81 27

  share tweet
  

Randomize