god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight