What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...