Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life