dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
