SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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