Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
