Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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