Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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