sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im holly from the hills drunk
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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