Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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