Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just gift wrapped bread.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
