The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
