ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My ATM looks so different sober.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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