Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
