I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
