it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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