I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Even my vagina gasped.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
