If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
