I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
