batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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