can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I smell like Dick and happiness
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
