how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
