he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
