He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
