she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
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Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
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Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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