kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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