Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
