I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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