That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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