Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
