Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
