How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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