So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
