if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
