my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
