i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
