the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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