I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
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So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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