she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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