everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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