Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
