i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
