he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize