You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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